Experience Freedom from Destructive Competition and Anxiety
My clients already know that I love playing tennis and I play competitively. However, competitive games can bring out the good and bad of our personalities. Here is an insightful article I found just in time for Thanksgiving, especially for a time when families get together.
Furthermore, competitive Games are always present in our family of origin. In expanding our capacity for joy, for experiencing joy in living, we can also begin to explore the possibility of freeing ourselves from destructive forms of competition and destructive forms of anxiety. And very often we learn our patterns of competition in early years, in early years with family or schools. And sometimes we learn we must always lose. Sometimes we compete for mother’s approval and discover that mother’s approval earns us father’s love. Or sometimes we compete for father’s approval and discover that by winning his approval we lose mother’s love. And so begin to discover that we lose by whatever action we take. And sometimes we discover that in in winning our parent;s love , we lose the the love of our brother or sister. And again, there is the feeling of always losing. And in some families things are so destructive and mixed up that everyone competes, and no one wins.
And we begin to notice that the rules of competition are unfair, that the rules of the game are loaded. And the only way to deal with this destructive kind of competition is to step out of the game , refuse to play the game, and instead of seeking approval of others, we begin to create our own standards of approval. We begin to get a sense of self, and to be able to define values, and to set our standards. And when we begin to let go or old standards, to begin to discriminate, and to select the competitions that are meaningful, and so determine whether winning is worthwhile, and we set our own standards of approval.
And similar to freeing ourselves from destructive competitions, we also can expand the possibilities of freeing ourselves form destructive forms of anxiety, Again, as we begin to examine the past, looking at the origins of our anxiety, we discover that anxiety hangs on us of it were a weight around our neck, weighing us down and making it difficult for us to function.
Is your anxiety as big as a mountain?
And one of the ways we can begin to help free ourselves from these destructive anxieties is to begin to help free ourselves from these destructive anxieties is to begin to see our anxiety as a mountain. And when we stay to close to that mountain, it seems overwhelming. But we can imagine getting into a car and driving some distance from that mountain. And when we are far enough away, we can look back, get out of the car, and turn around and look back, and from the distance that mountains seems much less overwhelming. And from the distance we can begin to imagine different ways of getting beyond that mountain. Perhaps we discover a tunnel through the base of the mountain. But in any event, from the distance that mountain of anxiety seems much less overwhelming. And we begin to discover that some of the anxiety become more manageable from this perspective. Everything does indeed become easier.